Questions

While waiting to know what will happen to the forlorn Cheeto I couldn't resist the pull of Matthew Guerrieri's quiz.

1. Name an opera you love for the libretto, even though you don't particularly like the music.

General Hospital. (The Young and the Restless has much better music.)

2. Name a piece you wish Glenn Gould had played.

The Goldberg Variations [zing!].

3. If you had to choose: Charles Ives or Carl Ruggles?

If I'm listening to the music, Ives I think; ditto if contemplating insurance; but if I'm looking for a composer with a rugged, manly, but still somewhat snuggly name, DEFINITELY Carl Ruggles.

4. Name a piece you're glad Glenn Gould never played.

Most of my choices are listed at pianopedia.com. [zing?]

5. What's your favorite unlikely solo passage in the repertoire?

Well I'd say I have a 12% record of playing the ending of the 2nd movement of the Schumann Fantasy with all the right notes, so ... that seems pretty unlikely.

6. What's a Euro-trash high-concept opera production you'd love to see? (No Mortier-haters get to duck this one, either—be creative.)

Dawson's Creek (or perhaps Battlestar Galactica) set in 17th century France, with show dogs onstage (to symbolize the essential inhumanity of man, etc. etc.) and a chorus of ventriloquists (fill in your own annoying symbolic explanation HERE). Of course, any opera involving Joyce Hatto would be attended by me ... No, no I have it! I want Mel Gibson to direct a production of Falstaff set (and sung) in Aztec or Olmec or Mayan or whatever, entitled Apocalypto II: The Fat Man Gets the Last Laugh.

7. Name an instance of non-standard concert dress you wish you hadn't seen.

I prefer to see rather than smell non-standard concert dress.

8. What aging rock-and-roll star do you wish had tried composing large-scale chorus and orchestra works instead of Paul McCartney?

I do not comprehend this "rock-and-roll" word; is this some sort of genre or style designation? Me dinosaur of dead music. No, really.

9. If you had to choose: Carl Nielsen or Jean Sibelius?

Aw jeez. Do I have to answer seriously? I mean, if I'm a clarinetist, probably Nielsen, but I'm so not.

10. If it was scientifically proven that Beethoven's 9th Symphony caused irreversible brain damage, would you still listen to it?

What, this hasn't been proven already?